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​I had an extremely negative body image for most of my life. At the age of 15, I discovered diets. I was always trying a new one. Cabbage soup diet, The Adkins diet, the egg diet, starvation diet, you name it I’ve probably done it. This fad dieting was a cycle for years. Most of high school and college. I dieted for a few weeks, lost the weight and felt good. But then there would be a cookie or cupcake, or fries and I would think “I’ll just have one I deserve this” But it was never just one. One turned into two, two turned into three. Three turned into sneaking more into my room late at night so no one would see. Guilt would overcome me, and I would continue to stuff my face until my stomach couldn’t fit one more thing. I was on the verge of a very unhealthy eating disorder.

If I was sad, happy, bored, or lonely I would eat. I remember sneaking down into the kitchen almost every night to quietly pour myself a giant bowl of Reese’s puffs and sneak up to my room and eat it in bed just hoping my family didn’t wake up to catch me in the act. This was a nightly routine. If there was not cereal, I would find something else to fill my craving, to fill my void. Sometimes, I would get a second helping without thinking twice about it. I thought that if no one saw me eating these things it didn’t count. But really, I felt like crap. I was full and bloated and didn’t feel good most of the time. Since I had cereal before bed, I would punish myself by starving myself most of the next day. Sometimes I would eat lunch but usually it would be a Gatorade and snack size gold fish. Dinner came around and I would fill my plate twice finding myself down in the kitchen a few hours later when everyone was sleeping. It was a constant cycle of binging and guilt. The guilt would cause me to hate myself and my body. I never felt good enough or skinny enough.

My self-esteem was shot for those years. I would fluctuate weight constantly and could never find that ideal weight. I became obsessed with it, obsessed with looking and feeling good. But I restricted myself in so many ways, I talked negative to myself in the mirror. I thought that looking good would make others love me. But looking back I didn’t even love myself. How can someone else love me when I treat my body like a dump and don’t love myself? 

I used food to reward and punish myself. I used food as comfort. Food was always there for me when no one else was.I constantly compared myself to others (which made me eat more) and I channeled all that self-hate into my body, and my body became my biggest burden. Finally, at the age of 22, something clicked. I became committed to understanding what health and wellness was all about. I became committed to treating my body right and learning how to fuel my body right. Once I understood nutrition and learned how great you can feel when you fuel your body right, I became obsessed with healing myself and my relationship with food and my constant struggle of fad dieting and binge eating. 

Believe it or not, just a few years ago, I didn’t have a handle on my health or my life.  I felt alone in my thoughts and I felt disgusting in my body. Fast forward to now. I am a completely different person. Mentally and physically. I have studied what it takes to heal. And I have done it myself. I learned how to love myself and my body in the process and I feel better than ever! I have taken control of my life. So, when I speak about healing and health I speak from my own experiences. I know it’s possible, because I have done it. I freed myself. I broke the chains of the life consuming obsession with food and found the perfect balance to a healthy life without restrictions and guilt. 

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Today I have a different approach, I don’t diet. I give my body exactly what it needs. I eat whole, real foods, I am kind to myself, I allow myself to have treats when I want them. I feel better than ever!

And I’m here to show you that this is possible for you too.